Thursday, July 19, 2007

Over the Hill

This is one of the two or three best songs I've written, and the one that has a chance of being immortal, if not making me immortal (nor making me any money). It is a birthday song for people who are "getting up there." My next challenge re this song will be to figure out when a person is so old it isn't funny to sing it to them.
Over the Hill
gleefully (you aren’t the one being serenaded!)
G D
Over the hill, you’re over the hill
C G
You feel like week-old road kill
G D
The buzzards are circling, don’t stand too still
C G
___________ You’re over the hill!
Em Am
One day you wake up and something has changed:
D7 Em
You didn’t get hurt, but still you’re in pain,
Em Am
The face in the mirror looks tired and strained
D7 Em
Like your mother’s/father’s would if he were deranged.
[Chorus]
It’s a good day, ‘cause your stomach’s not THAT upset;
A good bowel movement means more than good sex.
You’ve gotta go to work ‘cause you aren’t dead yet.
This isn’t voodoo, and it isn’t a hex. You’re just...
[Chorus]
You’re no longer part of the Pepsi generation;
You’re well on your way to antiquation.
Your most stylish clothes are years out of fashion;
And all your favorites songs are on the oldies station.
Yes, you’re...
[Chorus]
Yes, your hearing’s shot I SAID, YOUR HEARING IS SHOT,
You need bifocals, too, and your gut’s gone to pot.
Remember the chorus? I knew you forgot;
Don’t call it Alzheimer’s, it’s only brain rot,
Because...
[Chorus]

Monday, July 16, 2007

Peaches

I guess I never really figured out a title for this. It is another song where I used a lot of phrases from old songs and tried to put them together in a slightly new way.

If you don’t want my peaches, why did you shake my tree?
If you don’t want my peaches, why did you shake, why did you shake my tree?
If you don’t like this Georgia weather, go back to Tennessee.

Nothing in the world as sweet as my fresh fruit
Nothing in the world as sweet as my fresh, as sweet as my fresh fruit
If you don’t pick it from the orchard, its just going to rot.

I’d rather drink muddy water, sleep in a hollow log
I’d rather drink muddy water, sleep in a hollow, sleep in a hollow log
Than live with you here in Atlanta, when you won’t walk my dog.

Baby take my little dog, take him for a stroll
Baby take my little dog, take him for a, take him for a stroll.
And when you finish that, I wanna jelly roll.

Sunday, July 15, 2007

Bad Woman Blues

I wrote a few songs where my goal was to recycle some imagery from old blues songs and have the song sound like a classic blues, so people would say, "who wrote that?" Expecting it to be Robert Johnson or Blind Lemon Jefferson or something. Then I'd say, "me." This is one of those:

Bad Woman Blues

Listen to me, woman, I got somethin’ to say.
Listen, listen, listen, I got somethin’ to say.
Thing’s have gotta change; we can’t go on this way.

I’ve put up with you, woman, for too long a time.
Put up with you, yeah, too long, too long a time.
The way you bein’ doin’ me, it oughta be a crime.

The way you treat me, just ain’t right.
The way you treat me, no, that ain’t right.
Lay ‘round all day, ‘n’ then you’re gone all night.

If you don’t love me, why not just say so.
If you don’t love me, you can just say so.
If you don’t think I’ll leave, sit back and watch me go.

I’m gonna quit you, and it won’t be long.
Gonna quit you, and it won’t be long.
Go on out tonight. Tomorrow I’ll be gone.

I think it’s time for me to dust my broom.
Think it’s time for me to dust my broom.
One a your drinkin’ buddies can have my room.

A Cure for Cancer

This is one that Meg, for some reason, particularly thinks other people will enjoy hearing:

Heard the news the other day, reseach study shows
Orgasms help your prostate. Gotta flush out the hose!
(chorus)
Workin' on a cure for cancer. My health is important to me.
Jerkin' to prevent that cancer. Gotta stay cancer-free.

Woke up the other morning, It was a beautiful day.
Thought it looked so nice out, I'd just leave it that way.
(chorus)
Pass me another tissue, somethin's drippin' on my leg.
There's another thousand swimmers 'll never make it to an egg.
(chorus)
My girlfriend called me at lunch, asked, "Honey, what ya doin'?"
I didn't miss a beat, I said, "I'm just thinkin' 'bout you and..."
(chorus)
I don’t want to be selfish, I scan the news eagerly
For the study that shows that women can stop cancer of the ovaries.
(Chorus)
Now I need to stop singing; Science is calling me.
I wish I could stay a little longer, but more research is necessary.
(Chorus)